We are finally in China

I really need to be pinched every hour on the hour as I look around all the time and just can't believe we are finally in China. 

I am in total amazement at how well Bethany has tolerated the past 48 hours.  We were concerned that she would not behave or fuss or be so tired that a few meltdowns would wear us out. But my precious Girl has proven once again that she is very strong and tough.  Tim gave her a set of headphones to use on the plane and aside from her Lego crocs these headphones have been the greatest gift she could have ever been given. So....thankfully it helped keep her happy during the long flight.  It was very entertaining to hear her talking while she had the headphones on......she was yelling and the more I laughed the more she wanted to entertain me much to the other passengers dismay as they were trying to sleep.  Not only was she in her glory with Daddy's gift but she told me that she was happy because she was on a vacation with Mommy and Daddy for a long time plus she was going to get her baby sister.

I tried to explain to Bethany how important the trip is to her on a more personal level by reminding her that she was born in China which makes China her country and Canada her home because that's where she lives.  She looked at me and I could see she was thinking about something and then she said "no Mommy, China is also my home because I was a baby here, don't you remember from yesterday".  To my Girl, everything that happens in the past is always "yesterday".  I tried to correct her a couple of times but she kept insisting that she was right so I finally agreed with her and she was even happier that mommy understood her. 

I have to say that so far everything has gone smoothly and flawless. With the Grace of God I am praying that things will continue to go as smoothly tomorrow.  I also find that this time Bethany creates a big distraction from the emotional anxiety that I am feeling.  It is a huge difference from our first trip to China in 2009.  Don't get me wrong, I still feel the same way but it is not as intense as it was the first time.  For example, in 2009 I cried non-stop with each step such as leaving the house to go to the airport, boarding the plane, take off, flying over the north pole, landing...you get the picture.  Well, this time I've had only private moments of non-stop tears such as now as Tim and Bethany are sleeping.  I am sitting here in Guangzhou looking out the window and to my right is the crib.  From my previous post you must know about the crib "thing" I have.  I remember the moment in 2009 when we walked into the hotel room in Nanning.  It was dark and I walked slowly to the window to open the curtains to get some light in the room and I stood there mesmerised by the view outside  until Tim asked me to look behind me and I saw the crib for the first time.....then I cried.  Today, as they opened the door to the room I found myself looking for the crib expecting to see it and there it was.....then I cried. 

I am getting anxious.  As we left the airport in Guangzhou, I found myself doing the same thing I did when we landed in Nanning in 2009, I can't help but stare at all the females everywhere.  From the little babies, toddlers, girls, young ladies and even older ladies.  I am looking at them to study the facial features that I expect to see in my girls as they grow up.  In Nanning I noticed that the bridge of their noses was flat which explains why Bethany's sunglasses don't sit properly on her nose....there's no bridge to hold them up.  Today I noticed the Guangdong females have prominent cheekbone features and rounded faces which explains the yummy chubby cheeks I've seen in the few pictures of my little Rebecca. 

On our drive to the hotel, our guide was giving us some information in preparation for tomorrow.  Of great interest and concern is the fact that my baby is in the orphanage where she has remained for the past 13 months and apparently has not left the orphanage grounds at all.  This means that the 3 to 3 1/2 hour drive from Yang xi to Guangzhou tomorrow will be her first time out of the orphanage, first time in a car making it a very tiring/difficult/stressful event for her.  Good grief....how did I not think of this??? how did it not occur to me how tomorrow will be a difficult if not traumatising day for her.   It breaks my heart to think that something as obvious as this has not occurred to me as I'm so wrapped up in my selfish thinking.  Thinking of my experience to finally hold her and I will make be happy beyond words.  For the past six months I have stared at her picture, thought of her often and have been anxious to hold My Baby when the reality is that tomorrow I will be A Stranger to her.  The Stranger is going to hold her tight and display emotions that she won't understand, will kiss her cheeks and cry ALOT while talking to her in a language she won't understand.  It is a side of becoming mother that I almost forgot again.  With Bethany it was a perfect transition from the beginning...but she was only 10 months old.  Tomorrow I am preparing myself for perhaps a different transition as my precious little Rebecca is 13 months old.

Whatever tomorrow brings I pray to God my baby Rebecca will have a smooth transition into her new life.

I have to apologise for my scattered thoughts but it is very difficult for me to even think straight right now.  Hopefully over the next few days I will be more at ease and less "loopy" to ensure easier reading.